DIGITAL MARKETING AGENCY DECLARES VICTORY AT FOOD SHOW PARTNERSHIPHELIUM EVOLUTION RAISES $25M; MARKETS REMAIN UNIMPRESSEDHUANG: CHINESE AI GREAT, PLEASE DON'T BAN ITKALANICK RAISES $1.7B ON INDUSTRIAL AI 'GAUZE,' UBER BETS AGAINMENLO'S MURPHY: AI STARTUPS MUST ACHIEVE IMPOSSIBLE GROWTH, LIKE ANTHROPICSPAC HIRES ITSELF TO FIND ITSELF DEALSTESLA DUMPS BILLIONS INTO ROBOTS, ASSURES INVESTORS IT'LL EVENTUALLY WORKTRUMP DEFENDS OPEN AI WHILE ACCUSING CHINA OF STEALING ITDIGITAL MARKETING AGENCY DECLARES VICTORY AT FOOD SHOW PARTNERSHIPHELIUM EVOLUTION RAISES $25M; MARKETS REMAIN UNIMPRESSEDHUANG: CHINESE AI GREAT, PLEASE DON'T BAN ITKALANICK RAISES $1.7B ON INDUSTRIAL AI 'GAUZE,' UBER BETS AGAINMENLO'S MURPHY: AI STARTUPS MUST ACHIEVE IMPOSSIBLE GROWTH, LIKE ANTHROPICSPAC HIRES ITSELF TO FIND ITSELF DEALSTESLA DUMPS BILLIONS INTO ROBOTS, ASSURES INVESTORS IT'LL EVENTUALLY WORKTRUMP DEFENDS OPEN AI WHILE ACCUSING CHINA OF STEALING IT
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VC Deals

Venture capital funding rounds, startup valuations, and the eternal optimism of people spending other people's money.

VC

Corgi's Valuation Doubles in 3 Weeks; Investors Mysteriously Forget How Math Works

Same investors, same company, wildly different price—a masterclass in financial theater.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Quantum Valuation Mechanics
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Unicorn

Stord Raises $250M to Compete With Amazon at Warehousing

A $3B valuation for physical logistics, the one thing Amazon actually invented.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Audaciously Delusional
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VC

eSports Founder Masters the Art of Telling VCs What They Want

Dylan Robbins raised $20M for a gaming company by apparently convincing investors they were funding artificial intelligence.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Pitch-Deck Prestidigitation
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VC

eSports Founder Masters the Art of Telling VCs What They Want

Dylan Robbins raised $20M for a gaming company by apparently convincing investors they were funding artificial intelligence.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Pitch-Deck Prestidigitation
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VC

The ARR Accounting Show: A VC Love Story

Investors and founders have discovered that multiplying monthly recurring revenue by twelve works even better when nobody's watching.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Mathematically Creative
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VC

Fragrance Startup Raises $2M to Solve Problem Nobody Had

Betaworks and True Ventures bet that centuries-old industry just needed a Series Seed and better branding.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Aromatically Delusional
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VC

a16z Bets $10.5M on Finding Your Own Forgotten Stuff

Stilta solves the critical problem of companies not knowing what they already own.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Spectacularly Redundant
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VC

Easier to Raise Millions Than Land an Internship, Stanford Study Finds

After four years of investigation, researcher discovers the entire ecosystem is upside down.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Backwards Economics
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VC

Eclipse Discovers Physical World After Decade of Loneliness

Firm's $2.5B Cerebras bet repackaged as visionary thesis rather than late-cycle desperation.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Hindsight Rebranding
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VC

Eclipse Discovers Physical World After Decade of Loneliness

Firm's $2.5B Cerebras bet repackaged as visionary thesis rather than late-cycle desperation.

💀💀💀💀  4/5 — Hindsight Rebranding
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D

About DumbCapital

DumbCapital covers venture capital and M&A in North America with the skepticism these markets have long deserved and rarely received. We are not impressed by large numbers. We are not moved by press releases. All articles are satirical commentary based on real, publicly reported deals. Nothing here is financial advice.

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